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Take This Stress Test by Answering 2 Questions...

1. Which Mouse has Two Legs?
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Ans. Mickey Mouse.

2. Which Duck has 2 legs?
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If you answered Donald Duck,
You Are Under Stress.
Because All Ducks have Two Legs.
So Please Chill out and Enjoy.

Wife: Whenever we keep the money in the bags our son steals it,
I don't know what to do.
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Husband: Keep it in his Books. I know he will never touch them.

Dad! I got married Yesterday Evening. I forgot to inform you.

Daddy: Its ok my child.



But Next time You should invite me.

Before You Judge a Person,
Walk a Mile in his Shoes..




After That,
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Who cares?

He's a Mile Away & The Shoes are yours!!


Take them & Run.. :-)

If Columbus had been a Married Man, He might have never discovered USA.

Because He would be asked:

Where r u going?
With Whom?
To discover What?
When will you be back?

Question: What is The Most Dangerous Position In Which To Sleep.














Answer:

It's When You Sleep With Your Feet On Your Office Desk...

World's Shortest Love Story
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He Smiled...
She Smiled...
Baby Cried... :-)

If U need ADVICE
MSG me

If U need a Friend
CALL ME

If U need Help
E-MAIL me

If U need Money
The number you have dialed is not responding at the moment. plz don't try again .

A Woman met a Man
Walking along the Streets
Wearing only one shoe.

She asked: "Just Lost A Shoe?"

He answered: "Nope, Just Found One"

A tourist saw a road sign that read "No through Way. Please Go Another Way."

He looked ahead and saw nothing wrong at all. He decided to go on, thinking the sign was a kind of joke.

After a while he saw a broken bridge and had to turn back. When he came to the sign on the road, he saw these words on its backside: "Welcome to Come Back. You Fool!"

An Idea Can Change Your Life

But,

A Woman can change your IDEA..

So,


Always change


Women to change IDEAS


WHAT AN IDEA. ;-)

As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g., "Steady as she goes" or "She's listing to starboard, Captain!")

Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that computers should also be referred to as being female.

Their reasons for drawing this conclusion follow:

Five reasons to believe computers are female:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."

4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

However, another group of computer scientists, (all female) think that computers should be referred to as if they were male. Their reasons follow:

Five reasons to believe computers are male:

1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.

2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.

3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.

What is a computer's first sign of old age?
Loss of memory.

What does a baby computer call his father?
Data.

What is an astronaut's favorite key on a computer keyboard?
The space bar.

What happened when the computer fell on the floor?
It slipped a disk.

Why was there a bug in the computer?
It was looking for a byte to eat.

What is a computer virus?
A terminal illness.

To err is human; but to really mess things up requires a computer.

Computers are not intelligent.
They only think they are.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

My computer isn't that nervous. It's just a bit ANSI.

The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.

PCMCIA
People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN
It Still Does Nothing

APPLE
Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

SCSI
System Can't See It

DOS
Defective Operating System

BASICBill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control

IBM
I Blame Microsoft

DEC
Do Expect Cuts

CD-ROM
Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

OS/2
Obsolete Soon, Too.

WWW
World Wide Wait

MACINTOSH
Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

PENTIUM
Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics

COBOL
Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

AMIGA
A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction

LISP
Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis

MIPS
Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

WINDOWS
Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

GIRO
Garbage In Rubbish Out

MICROSOFT
Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only (for) Fools (&) Teenagers.

Is windows virus or worm?




No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.

5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.

It's a bug.

When I am in love I can't speak at all.
Some people scare me at all times.
I am in love with a boy and he is in love with me.
So let's make love tonight before the sun comes up today.
I hate when the sun comes up we have to do the same thing every day.
I would like for the sun to stay down a little longer today and forever.
I want to make love with the boy I love.
The boy who is in love with me he wants to make love with me.

Dancers dancing on the sapphire Floor,
Dance to the heavenly music of the winds. .
Torn and tossed ,they gather and get shattered.
When they turn grey in their high abode,
They pour and pour down below
Giving themselves back to Nature again.

The latest slogn of boys:
Pakistan is our nation
Girls are our Destination
Dating is Our Occupation
Flirting is our Profession
Leave about Education.

I talk, he talk; Why do you middle middle talk?
(beech, beech = middle, middle)

"Hey, u guys, please keep quiet. The president is rotating outside"

"Donot smoke and spoil the botany of ur body"

" Open the windows, open the windows, let the climate come in "

" Why are you naat filupping the blanks ? "

Advice to father thinking about whether he should let his daughter
continue her studies or get her married :
" Vell, if you wantu study her, then study her. If you wantu marry
her, then marry her ."

Prof to students hanging around the corridors during exams :
" Do not revolve in the corridors in front of the examinations "

" Don't talk like that in front of my back "

""Dont stand in front of my back"

" Louly hair cutting. Hair cutting, current drying . No shock. "

" Florida paan shop. Prop: Raju . B.A, M.A. "


"Repeat again please!"

"Mistake became wrong!"

Did you cut the tickets for the film, yet?

Pliss, close the fan!

He/she's my cousin brother/sister

He/she's my co-brother/sister

Galatfehmi ka shikar hona:: to be hunted down by misunderstanding.

Izzat ko mitti me milana:: To mix one's honor in mud

Maro saale ko:: Hit the brother in law

Meri izzat ki naak cut gayee:: My honors' nose has been chopped off

Kiske saath moonh kaala kiya? :: Who have you blackened your face with?

naak mein dum karna:: to strengthen the nostrils


An instructor explaining the working of pendulum:
" Take an elephant of negligible weight"

heard in kitchen:
No, No I don't need chair i can stand eating


It's so hot! Please on the fan no.

Instructor: "Take a copper wire of any metal...and pour a liquid solution of sul
phuric acid in a round bottom flask of any shape.. "

A gardener scolding three kids : " Both of u three, don't under-stand the tree "
!!

"Open the doors of the window, and let the atmosphere come in "

Pune'ites, and Bombay'ites will understand this - " This is not 'parvadable' "
!!!


"Issac New Ton is great scientist. In India, apple falls on head and he go
back to invent Gravity. He is friend and follower of Mahatma Gandhi in fight
for freedom.There is a statue to him with long coat and long hair. He great

"A cow has 2 horns with sharp points and Bull between tham. It has 4 legs and
stands on its own feet". It ended with a touch of logic, "A cow gives milk
which we drink. Therefore, it is our mother."



"You three, both of you kneel down together separately"

"There is no wind in the ball (deflated football)"

"Run with the fence" (alongside)

"Look at the line on your back" (falling in line)

"Apply Apply, No reply" (common one)

"Why aren't you kneel downing?"


Look at the climate man, it's too hot to play.
^^^^^^^
If you talk, I'll kneel down (Always wished he would, but found
out that, that's not what he meant)
Cuckoo, Blaady (Kick you, bloody...)

The principal just passed away.

Who took out the breeze of my cykill.

Meet me behind the class (meant after the class).

My cykill is understanding the tree.


Open the windows and let the atmosphere come in"!

Open the windows and let the AIR FORCE come in"!

1. When you take a long time, you’re slow; When your boss takes a long time, he or she’s thorough.
2. When you don’t do it, you’re lazy; When your boss doesn’t do it, he or she’s too busy.
3. When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot. When your boss makes a mistake, he or she’s only human.
4. When doing something without being told, you’re overstepping your authority. When your boss does the same thing, that’s initiative.
5. When you take a stand, you’re being bull-headed. When your boss does it, he or she is being firm.
6. When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you’re being rude. When your boss skips a few rules, he or she is being original.
7. When you please your boss, you’re apple polishing. When your boss pleases his boss, he or she is being co-operative.
8. When you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around. When your boss is out of the office, he or she is on business.
9. When you’re on a day off sick, you’re always sick. When your boss is a day off sick, he or she must be very ill.
10. When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview. When your boss applies for leave, it’s because he or she is overworked.